


else the cold creeps in

by vailkagami



Series: Endings [1]
Category: due South
Genre: Gen, Mentions of Murder, mentions of child abuse, mentions of domestic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-10 09:57:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1158254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vailkagami/pseuds/vailkagami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fraser and Kowalski don't stay in Canada. They return to Chicago and work cases with Ray Vecchio. But things still don't work out between the three of them and Fraser doesn't understand why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	else the cold creeps in

The sky is a clear blue and the bright sun carries the first hint of spring and warmth when something ends in Benton Fraser’s life. He doesn’t know it at the time; events such as this rarely come with a warning, and even as they unfold before his eyes, he doesn’t suspect, for one moment, what consequences are to follow in their wake. He won’t know the full extent of the consequences until more than two years later.

The sky is a clear blue and there flowers are in bloom, here, in this expensive neighbourhood with the picket fences and the lawn sprinklers. A woman has been lying dead on the floor of her home until minutes ago, but the body has been taken away now, leaving only a chalk outline and a few specks of blood at the bottom of the stairs. Everyone is packing up already – there is not much of a mystery to this murder, not with the neighbours reporting loud yelling from the house and the old bruises all over the woman’s shoulders and arms.

“I don’t get it,” Ray Kowalski says, leaning back against the wall with his hands in his pockets. Trying to look casual, but he’s just looking weary and angry. “He’s been beating her for years. Why didn’t she leave?”

Ray Vecchio snorts. He’s crouching next to the bloodstains on the floorboards, staring at the spot where the woman died, for no apparent reason; there is nothing to see there. “Are you serious? You’d think this was your first case dealing with domestic violence.”

Kowalski scowls at him. “Hey, no need to get all high and condawhatever on me, that’s not what I mean.” He sounds frustrated. He lifts his hands and aborts whatever gesture he was aiming for before it can go anywhere. “I know people stay with their shitty partners. I just don’t get _why_.”

Fraser would have a number of answers for that. But it seems to be a philosophical question rather than a forensic one and he says nothing. Neither does Vecchio. He’s tense and he’s quiet, until Kowalski breaks the silence with the sound of his palm hitting the door. “I mean, they have kids. It’s one thing if it’s just her, but he could have hurt them, too, and that would have been on her.”

“Sure.” Vecchio nods as if in agreement. From where he’s standing, Fraser cannot make out his face. “Because if he abused his kids like he did his wife, it’s obvious that his wife is to blame, rather than – I don’t know, _him_.”

“Don’t twist my words, asshole,” Kowalski snap. “He could easily have hurt his kids, and if she’d left with them he couldn’t, is all I’m saying.”

“We don’t know yet that he didn’t.” Fraser speaks softly. He shouldn’t have said anything, perhaps, except he feels like he has to contribute _something_ to this case where everything is already over. Mostly, he thinks that they should leave. There’s nothing they can do here, and both his friends are far too tense.

“They said he didn’t,” Kowalski insists, and Ray Vecchio gives that short, humourless snort again.

“Yeah, because no kid has ever lied about that.”

“Hey, their father has been arrested, okay? There’d be no reason for them to lie.”

Kowalski sounds stubborn and aggressive, insisting that he’s right. Fraser knows what this is; he knows that Ray is trying to convince himself and everyone else that he’s right because he can’t stand the thought of children getting hurt. But he still sounds stubborn and aggressive over it and Ray Vecchio is standing now, facing him with the kind of expression Fraser has only ever seen him show to people he cannot stand.

“Wow, you’re really the expert on human nature, right? On kids? If I hadn’t known you don’t have any in your life, I’d know now.” he says casually. His shoulders are tense and all about Kowalski is tense and they are aiming for a fight because this is not a good environment for either of them.

“We will find out for sure eventually.” Fraser tries to sound neutral and calm them down, because Kowalski turned even tenser at the remark about the lack of children in his life and Fraser can tell how Vecchio notices that, too.

“Well, and what makes _you_ the expert here?” Kowalski snaps, completely ignoring Fraser. “You just want to be right, even though that would mean the kids got hurt.”

“Like you would ignore they were just to keep your pretty illusions?” Ray Vecchio sounds completely calm, and he looks completely relaxed all of a sudden, and there is only the barest hint of mocking in his voice. Fraser wonders if this is something his friend brought back from Vegas. He doesn’t recognize it.

He doesn’t understand how the argument got here this quickly, or how it started at all. There was no reason for it.

“Shut up, Vecchio,” Kowalski bristles. “I’d never allow anything to happen to a child.”

“Yeah? I can imagine that. As long as whatever is happening doesn’t threaten your picture of a perfect world you might even pay attention.”

“Ray,” Fraser says, meaning both of them. Ray Vecchio is rapidly stepping over a line here, and Ray Kowalski is getting ready to take the fight to a physical level, he can tell. And he even knows why Vecchio is reacting the way he does, why the brittle walls he erected around himself after his return from Vegas are even more brittle here and now, but Kowalski doesn’t understand because he knows everything there was to learn about Ray Vecchio from the files and not a single thing more.

Fraser never talked much about the his first friend with Kowalski, because he could tell it bothered the other man, made him insecure as if he were just waiting for Fraser to realise that Vecchio was in some way superior to Kowalski, rather than just different. But he talked to Vecchio about Kowalski because Vecchio asked about him, and now Vecchio is at an advantage that he is willing to use. Fraser can tell, even before his friend speaks, that he’s too rattled, too raw to pull his metaphorical punches, and he fears that, being unable to respond in kind, Kowalski is going to resort to physical punches.

He can see it but is too slow, or maybe too unimaginative, to stop the things that are about to happen between his friends, before his eyes, for no reason at all.

“Not to mention the part where you get all aggressive once you lack compelling arguments.” The look Vecchio is giving Kowalski is almost a glare and yet sounds so very calm and casual when he really isn’t. “Good thing you don’t have kids,” he finally says, and it doesn’t sound like much, it wouldn’t have _been_ much if it were anyone else, but this is _Kowalski_ , and Vecchio knows exactly what he’s doing.

All that tension in Kowalski is being released at once, snapping him forward and right into Vecchio’s space, and even though he knew it was coming, Fraser is too slow to stop it. The feared blow doesn’t come. Kowalski slams Vecchio back against the wall instead, pressing him there with an arm to his throat, and Vecchio doesn’t show any surprise, let alone intimidation, which in this case can make things only worse.

“You got no idea what you’re talking about, Vecchio,” Kowalski snaps. “Don’t stand here right where some asshole killed his wife and tell me that I would make a bad dad.”

“Yeah, you’re making a really compelling case for yourself right now,” Vecchio points out.

Kowalski sneers and increases the pressure of his arm for a second before he pulls himself away just the moment Fraser places a hand on his shoulder and does the same. From the outside it must look like it is due to Fraser that Kowalski backed off; Fraser himself can only tell differently because there is no resistance, and he imagines that angers his friend even more, because the moment Kowalski lets go of Vecchio, he turns around, slaps Fraser’s arm away and stomps out of the house, slamming the door on his way out.

“Ray.” Fraser turns to throw a look at Vecchio that is in equal measures confused, worried and disapproving. “That  was uncalled for.”

Ray stares through him for a second, then his eyes focus. He snorts softly, little more than an exhale of breath, and the almost invisible tension doesn’t leave his body. “Yeah, it was, wasn’t it?” He doesn’t sound sorry. His eyes fall onto the chalk outline on the floor again and he moves away from the wall. “I’m out of here. I’ve got a report to write, and you have a partner to track down. I’ll see you at the precinct.”

Fraser watches him go, feeling lost. He expected a different reaction. Some remorse, perhaps. An explanation at the very least. It’s been too long since Ray really talked to him.

But this is not the place to do that and so Fraser doesn’t stop his friend as he walks out of the building and asks the last two uniformed policemen still out on the lawn to give him a ride back to the 2-7. Fraser follows him out a minute later. He has a partner to track down after all.

 

-

 

Fraser does not see Ray Vecchio at the precinct. It doesn’t take him long to find Ray Kowalski, but when he does it takes Kowalski a long time to let off steam. His rant is mostly without subject, though, and Fraser lets him vent, hoping it will make reconciliation between his two friends easier if they both got a chance to calm their tempers before they meet again.  He doesn’t try to make excuses for Vecchio’s behaviour nor does he point out that Kowalski’s own performance also left something to be desired. He just listens, nods in appropriate places, and eventually leads his friend to the GTO so they can drive back.

They don’t make it back, however. Not anytime soon, in any case. They make it halfway there and then Ray pulls the car over to park it by the side of the road, and he punches the wheel a few times in frustration, and Fraser waits for him to spill out what frustrates him so. Ray does, eventually, in wild, unorganized sentences with a lot of You Knows and self-depreciation. Fraser listens, and then he comforts and assures and doesn’t try to justify his other friend’s behaviour because Ray Vecchio knew what he was doing and even if he didn’t aim for making Kowalski doubt his qualities as a human being and as a potential father, it is something he at least accepted as collateral in a fight that was entirely pointless.

Fraser isn’t mad at Vecchio as such. He is confused, however, and there is no chance for him to talk about what happened, or why, when he and Kowalski get back to the 2-7, because by that time, Vecchio has already left.

So the evening finds Fraser standing in front of the Vecchio house on Octavia where Ray has moved back in with his family after his return from Las Vegas and the stay in the hospital the bullet meant for Fraser had put him in. The car used by Ray’s mother and sisters is gone from the driveway, but the old beige car Ray has been using in place of the trice-destroyed Riviera is standing before the house and the windows of the ground floor are lit, telling Fraser that his friend is probably home.

Yet Fraser hesitates before he walks up to the door and knocks. He doesn’t know how the conversation they are hopefully about to have will turn out, but then, if he did, they needn’t have it. The more important thing that Fraser doesn’t know, the thing that he _ought_ to know, is his own stance on the issue. He thought he was angry, or at least deeply annoyed, with his friend over the petty fight with Kowalski, and maybe he was, briefly, while witnessing Kowalski’s bout of self-doubt in the car, but it’s faded since then. Partly because Kowalski’s own reaction wasn’t flawless either. What he has witnessed there was two emotionally raw men clashing and lashing out at each other simply because the other offered them a target. Fraser understands human nature that much.

And he knows enough about Ray Vecchio’s childhood and his family to know that today’s case must have left him somewhat shaken and vulnerable, but he feels there was more to it. More in the sense that there has been something off about Ray ever since they reunited, something that cannot be explained simply by the introduction of a third party into their partnership. More often than not, Fraser feels that there is some barrier between them, taking shape in the way Ray isn’t as open to him anymore, in the sharp edge to his words that seems to have a different quality than before, in the way his reactions to all sorts of things sometimes don’t seem to fit the pattern Fraser has come to expect from this man. Little things that Fraser notes but could never put his finger on, like an untraceable itch under his skin. Maybe today’s events did some good after all, as they finally give Fraser an excuse to address the issue.

He still hasn’t decided if he will do so from a sympathetic angle or from a stern one.

After Fraser knocked on the door, not thirty seconds pass before Ray opens it. He gives a crooked smile when he sees Fraser and stands in the open doorway, leaning against the frame. “Knew it had to be you.”

“Because we have to talk,” Fraser confirms, but Ray shakes his head and snorts softly.

“No, because everyone else uses the doorbell.”

“Ah.” In the light of the lamp over the door, Fraser can see the bruise over Ray’s collar, where Kowalski’s elbow dug hard into his long neck. “But we still have to talk.”

“If you say so.” Ray sounds a little dismissive, like _he_ doesn’t think so, and Fraser tries not to let that annoy him. “About earlier, I suppose? I though we already agreed that I was an asshole. Can’t we leave it at that?”

“Your behaviour left something to be desired,” Fraser agrees solemnly. “But so did Ray’s. I do have to apologize for his reaction.”

“You do, huh?” Ray frowns, looking sceptical. “Why? Are you his father? Are you in any way responsible for his actions? Is he incapable of doing so himself?” Ray’s frown deepens as his expression turns thoughtful. “I might actually buy that.”

“Of course not, Ray. But he is my friend and as such, by association, I feel the need to express my regrets over what happened.”

“In his name.”

“In a way.”

“Okay.” Ray shakes his head. The frown is gone but his face still reflects disapproval. “You know, Fraser, that is bullshit. Even ignoring the fact that I don’t _want_ an apology, one coming from you in the place of a guy who is not actually sorry is worth crap.” His eyes narrow. “What, did you apologize to him for me, too? Because if you did I’m gonna be pissed.”

Fraser regrets having made that remark now. He didn’t really mean anything by it. “I did not,” he honestly replies, hoping they can move on from this.

“Oh, good. Since it’s not your place to decide whether or not I’m all remorseful and all.”

“But you are.”

“I am?” Ray looks honestly baffled for a moment, then suspicious as if he expected trickery, then his face lights up as he figures something out. “You mean because I know I wasn’t up to Canadian levels of niceness there? Yeah, I was a dick to him. That doesn’t mean I’m actually sorry about it.”

“Now, Ray,” Fraser begins. “I know you were both stressed today and that this will not significantly impact your relationship, but I think you should know that Ray didn’t mean to harm you in any way when he got physical. If you were only willing to open up to each other a little I am sure you would quickly become friends.”

“Aw, Benny.” Ray sighs. “That’s where you’re wrong. It’s not going to happen.”

“If you were just to give him a chance–”

“It’s got noting to do with that, Fraser. It’s simply that Kowalski and I are never going to be friends. I tried. You might have missed it, but I really tried to get to know him and to make this whole three-way partnership thing work because I know how much it meant to you that we liked each other, but the thing is, we don’t. And maybe we would if we had met under different circumstances, but I doubt it, and it doesn’t matter, since we didn’t.”

“Ray,” Fraser begins, not showing how much those words upset him. He didn’t expect this. “If you just got to know him–”

“It wouldn’t change anything. It’s got nothing to do with him as a person. I think he’s a decent detective and I’m glad he’s been a good friend to you, Benny. And I know this is probably a hard concept for you to grasp but sometimes people just don’t like each other. I can’t stand him. He can’t stand me. It’s that simple.”

“What is it that you can’t stand?” Fraser asks, a little desperately. “Maybe if he knew, if you both knew hat rubs the other wrong, you could work on it...”

“Fraser, no. Don’t do this. Don’t try to push us together until we stick. Kowalski and I, we can be civil with each other but we will never be friends, and that is not something you can change. It’s something you have to accept.” The night leaves Ray’s face mostly in shadow, but he sounds gentle, and confident. Stating facts, not introducing arguments. “And I’m not going to ask you to choose between him and me,” he continues. “I’m just asking you to stop trying to set us up in some way. Just, keep us separate as much as possible. You don’t need to go out of your way, we do work at the same precinct after all, but don’t invite me when you’re out to do something with him, or, you know, the other way round.”

Fraser lets that sink in for a little while. He has no other choice – he needs to process this. The change it brings. The disappointment, too, but mostly the careful negotiating of time that lies ahead of him, the negotiation of other things. The fact that he has to be so careful from now on in the interaction with the friends he feels most at ease with. And finally the conclusion that what Ray is asking for is impossible.

“I’m sorry, Ray,” he says. “I can’t do that.”

Ray looks at him and Fraser knows he needs to give an explanation. “It would be difficult for Ray,” he starts, struggling to put his concern into words. “There is a certain… insecurity in him, perhaps enhanced by the fact that he entered my life as your replacement. If I start splitting my time between the two of you, he would, inevitably though perhaps involuntarily, keep track of how much time I spend with whom and inevitably come to the conclusion that I favour you. Which is not to say that that would be the case, but I fear that the aforementioned insecurity might twist his perception in this regard.” Then there is the fact that he officially remained partnered with Ray Kowalski after Vecchio’s return and would therefore spend more time with him at works, as he suspects that working cases between the three of them would mostly chase in the scenario Ray Vecchio is aiming for. As a consequence Fraser would spend more of his free time with Vecchio to even things out, which Kowalski could – and probably would, in the long run – interpret as Fraser only spending so much time with him because work forces him to. It is not an impression he ever wants to give.

Ray is still looking at him so Fraser adds, “He needs me, Ray, and I cannot abide him believing I am choosing between to two of you.”

Now Ray nods. Fraser expected him to become agitated, but both his expression and his voice are calm as he says, “I see. In that case, I guess you already made your choice.”

By the time Fraser figures out what he meant by that, the door has already closed behind his friend, like an impenetrable wall between them. He considers knocking again, forcing this conversation in which everything went wrong to the next stage and making Ray understand, but he doesn’t feel like that would be a good idea, or like Ray would open the door for him again.

Fraser needs to sort his thoughts first, to be able to present his arguments in a rational manner. Tomorrow at work will be soon enough for that. Perhaps in the storage closet. It seems like a good place for a conversation like that, not least because it doesn’t offer either of them any space to run.

 

-

 

But Ray doesn’t come to work the next day. Fraser arrives at the precinct just an hour before noon and he thinks, at first, that his friend has been called away on an investigation so they missed each other, but Ray Kowalski informs him that Vecchio hasn’t been in all day. He also informs him that Welsh demanded to see Fraser as soon as he arrived.

“Ah, Constable,” the Lieutenant greets him when he enters the office. “Just the man I needed today.”

There is a dry tone to his voice but he seems troubled and Fraser is confused and trying not to show it. He is not usually called to Welsh unless there is a Canada-related problem or one that needs one of his more peculiar skills. He would have heard from Thatcher about the first and from Ray about the second, and Ray would be in here with him in either case.

Welsh leans forward with his hands folded over the sheet of paper before him on his desk. “Am I right to assume that there are some issues, of a personal nature, between you and Detective Vecchio?” he asks. It sounds more like a statement. Fraser’s stomach sinks. He can’t think of a reason why Ray would have brought it up with the Lieutenant other than to tell him he doesn’t want to work with the Mountie anymore.

He can’t imagine things are that bad.

“There are some… difficulties,” he agrees carefully. “Did…” He hesitates to ask his question because he cannot imagine it being true. “Did Ray complain about me?”

Welsh snorts. “No, he didn’t. But something’s bothering him and it seemed a pretty safe bet that it has something to do with you.”

Fraser frowns. Ray didn’t seem bothered last night, and even though he probably was, it’s unlikely that Welsh could tell. Especially since Ray isn’t here today.

He opens his mouth to explain the situation, but Welsh waves him off. “I’m not asking you what’s going on with you two. I just want to know if there is any chance you can resolve those difficulties anytime soon.”

Fraser opens his mouth to answer in the affirmative when he realises that it would be a lie. He doesn’t know how to resolve this situation he’s in. “No, Lieutenant,” he admits, his heart heavy. “I’m afraid that won’t be easily possible.”

Welch sighs, even as he’s nodding his head. “I was afraid you’d say that.”

“May I ask why it matters?”

“I guess you may. Heaven knows why, but I was actually glad to get Vecchio back and would hate to lose him again so soon. Wanted to make sure this wasn’t a temporary issue before I signed his transfer request.” And he picks up his pen and signs the paper lying before him while Fraser stares and doesn’t know what to say.

“Transfer where?” he finally hears his own voice ask.

“Seattle, by the look of it. Listen, if you feel you can talk some sense into him, you’ve got three hours in which this thing can be lost, but to be honest, I think he’s been itching to get away for a while. Might do him some good, too.”

So Fraser isn’t the only one who noticed that something has been wrong with Ray ever since he returned from his undercover assignment. Fraser still stares, trying to sort his thoughts. He should go and look for Ray, try to talk to him again, but he can’t seem to get himself to move.

It’s on the way out of the office that he realises he’s already accepted that Ray is leaving. He can’t find in himself a solution for his problem with Vecchio and Kowalski and the contradicting ways they need to be handled. He can’t split his time between the two of them because it would hurt Kowalski and he can’t force them to be together because Vecchio will not have it. This, Vecchio leaving and taking the decision from him, is perhaps for the best. Ray has been struggling with something for a while, something that perhaps doesn’t have everything to do with Fraser and Kowalski, and he suspects that the decision to leave did not come out of nowhere. Some time away might do Ray some good, Fraser thinks even as he tries not to be hurt. His friend certainly wouldn’t leave his home and family and Fraser so far behind if he didn’t feel it was necessary.

At the moment, trying to keep both his best friends close to him is a battle he cannot win, Fraser realises, and at the same time he decides to let one of them go. The decision feels monumental, but also strangely inevitable. Like this is the way things have to be, right now. It’s not forever, he reminds himself. It’s not like Ray Vecchio will be gone from his life completely just because he is living in another city. He is not undercover this time. There will be letters, phone calls, and visits until Ray is ready to come back for good. It’s not like last night, between door and sidewalk, was the last time they’ll ever have talked to each other.

Still, he wonders if he should call Ray. In the end he decides against it. He doesn’t know what to say, is feeling unsettled and vulnerable like something has been taken from him, even though he reminds himself how right and reasonable this is. They might fight and Fraser doesn’t want them to part in anger, however temporary. Ray will come to him before he leaves, that much is certain. He won’t go without saying goodbye. They can talk then, about things that need to be said.

Fraser stops for a moment, takes a deep breath, and lets go of everything he’s feeling. Ray Kowalski calls him over one minute later because there has been an inexplicable robbery near the train station last night and Fraser is ready to go, his mind already moving on to something else.

 

January 26, 2014

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my [genprompt-bingo card](http://vail-kagami.livejournal.com/188522.html), prompt: _co-workers_.


End file.
